Most of us, whatever our gender, whatever our sexual orientation, do not love our bodies. Or, we do not love our bodies most of the time.
I have been working on a series of interviews for my new podcast (Fat Chicks On Top) with a wide variety of folks about their bodies and their relationships with their bodies. Universally people have expressed frustration or discomfort with some aspect of their own body– even folks most of us would describe as sexy and self-assured.
The other universal thing which come up in these interviews is that people became more comfortable in their bodies and more self assured as they saw themselves through someone elses eyes who saw them as beautiful.
Sometimes this person was an intimate partner, sometimes a friend, and sometimes a photographer who understands how to make bigger folks look beautiful. One story that comes up over and over with kinky folks is the power of sexy pics.
Dirty Lola (Check her out @DirtyLola on Twitter and IG) was interviewed and talked about how she had a dominant give her an assignment to send a nude picture every day to him. She tried to get away with the move many of us have tried of the shot from above, focusing on the face and hiding the body through angles. He didn’t let this go. He insisted she do a full body naked shot, not cutesy angles. Over time, she grew to see how beautiful she was.
Other folks have described the power of having their intimate partner take photos of them and show the person what they find beautiful. Still others have described having a friend or a partner look at them and tell them what they find really beautiful about them.
When we feel comfortable in our own bodies and when we feel sexy, that translates in how we relate to others. So here are some suggestions to try with intimate partners or close friends.
Work with your D-type to arrange a protocol where you send a sexy pic (fully naked or otherwise) to them on a regular basis and they provide feedback. D-types, think about asking your s-type to send a naked full body picture to you on a regular basis and provide honest feedback.
Take sexy pictures with your intimate partner(s) and have them tell you what is sexy about you.
Have a good friend or intimate partner take pictures of you. This helps you see yourself through their eyes.
Ask a good friend what they think are your best features.
Tell your friend or partner about the part(s) about you that you find objectionable. See what they have to say. So much of the time what we hate about ourselves makes us beautiful to others. That curve of your belly you want to banish may be sexy to your partner. Your laugh lines around your eyes you can’t stand may signal joy and happiness to your friend.
What I have learned from talking to lots of people about their bodies is that most of us fail to see our own beauty. Most of us are terrified that others think we are unattractive or ugly. We don’t want to talk about what we don’t like about ourselves because we don’t want to bring attention to it. When we get past our own egos and tell people about what we struggle with, we learn what others find beautiful and we find support we have craved.