Turn Your Kitchen Into Kink Central!

Pervertables - items intended for non-kinky purposes used for kink play - are some of my favorite toys! I love incorporating everyday items into fun things for sexy play. I love shopping at Home Depot or Michael's Arts and Crafts all innocent and "crafty soccer mom" looking in my yoga pants knowing the items I am picking up will be used in very NSFW way. They also appeal to the crafter in me (which is also how I have referred to more than one date while being fisted).


First things first! Safety is key to working with pervertibles. Since these items are not intended to sexual play (most not meant to be used on the body in any way) you need to keep safety in mind when selecting items. Here are a few things to consider.

What is the Item Made From

Natural materials like wood, leather, or metals can be a good bet. These items, while generally treated with chemicals or other materials, will be less likely to leech dangerous chemicals while being used for play. They are also less likely to cause an allergic reaction than many man-made materials.

Plastic, silicone, and other synthetic materials can be used safely. If they are not inserted into orifices the chance of leeching chemicals is low. Keep in mind, silicone items not marked "body safe" or "medical grade" may be cured differently and are not the same as "medical grade silicone."

Regardless of what they are made out of, pervertibles may cause some type of allergic reaction Most likely if any reaction occurs it will be contact dermatitis. Generally a Benydryl cream or cortisone cream will quickly reduce any redness and itchiness which may occur.

Wooden, bamboo, rattan or other natural materials used for impact play can splinter if you hit too hard (speaking from experience on the receiving end). At the worst, when these items break and splinter, the person on the receiving end may get a splinter. Having a pair of tweezers and a little bactine or triple antibiotic cream such as Neosporin will quickly resolve any issues.

Safety Kit

It is important to have a basic safety kit on hand when using pervertibles (as it is with any kink play). This should include the following:

  • Safety Scissors

  • Antibiotic spray or ointment

  • Band-aids

  • Needle nose tweezers

  • Benydryl (for any severe allergic reaction)

  • Asprin or Tylenol


You don't have to buy specific items to be pervertables. However, cleanliness is especially important. I like to run any potential pervertable through the hot cycle on the dishwasher if possible. If not, using a common household disinfectant (90% or 70% isopropol alcohol, disinfectant sprays, toy cleaner purchased at a reputable adult store or online) is a good call.

I also like to prepare a few types of toys. If you are using wooden kitchen utensils, sanding them with a 0 grade sandpaper or steel wool helps remove any surface splinters prior to use. If using a belt (especially if you have been wearing it) wiping it down with a good leather cleaner to remove sweat and surface grim is a good idea.

Inserting Items

If you are going to insert a pervertable, there are several precautions to keep in mind.

ANYTHING INSERTED INTO THE BUTT NEEDS A BIG BASE. I cannot stress this enough!!! People love sticking things in butts. Your butt, once it is warmed up, is a greedy little fucker. It will gobble up anything you put into it, so the base of anything you put in the booty needs to have a base big enough not to be sucked up into you (or a partner). You DO NOT want to end up on