10 Things You Can Do To Increase Intimacy

I love sex! I do. And I think sex is important to most healthy romantic relationships. The old adage is sex is about ten percent of any good relationship. However, when the sex is bad or missing it taints 90 percent of the relationship. Personally, I have found that to be very true.

Sex is one important form of intimacy you have with partner(s). There are lots of other ways to be intimate. We often forget to nourish and grow these non-sexual areas of intimacy. However, there is plenty of evidence that happy couples have many different forms of intimate behaviors.

Intimacy is the feeling of closeness to a partner. I can be simplified to that “warm, fuzzy feeling” you get when someone you love is around. It is the result of actions which show you love and care about someone and they do the same for you.

Here are ten inexpensive and non-sexual ways to grow the closeness of your relationships.

1. Bathe or Shower Together. So, as bad as the Cialis commercial is with the couple in the twin tubs looking out at the sunset together, there is a benefit to bathing with your partner. I am not talking about bumping uglies in the shower. I actually mean using the shower to get clean.

There is something very intimate about washing each other’s backs, scrubbing your partner’s hair, running your hands over their warm, wet body without it necessarily ending up in hot and steamy sex. Bathing together is not something most of us do with just any hook-up. It leads to touching and talking and a feeling of closeness.

2. Learn How to Make Their Coffee. This goes for everyone, even you D-types. Many people in power exchange relationships have it as part of the protocol that the s-type is the one to make the coffee in the morning and bring it to the D-type. I have had that dynamic and I really like it. Regardless of your arrangement, being able to make your partner(s) their coffee or tea the way they like it and bringing it to them is a gesture of care and closeness. It requires that you learn the way they like their coffee. You have to remember that and then do it. Bringing someone a cup of coffee as they get out of the shower or a cup of tea while they unwind at night is very considerate and caring.

3. Eat Together Without Your Phones. Eating together and attending to the other person during conversation is a huge way to say, “You matter.” Most of us are pretty addicted to our phones. Being able to put your phone away for just 30 minutes while you and the person you care about sit together and have a meal prioritizes each other and your conversation for that time period. You can focus on one another, talk about anything, and bond.

4. Go to Bed Together. This is difficult for some couples. Work schedules, family demands, and so on mean that you may not be tired or able to sleep at the same time all the time. But, when you can manage it, climbing into bed together, putting down your screens, turning off the lights and just curling up creates instant bonding. Lying next to someone, listening to them breathe and their heartbeat, combined with their body heat has been shown to reduce anxiety, improve sleep, and lower overall stress.

5. Have Inside Jokes. As you get to know someone you will develop your own inside jokes. These are little quips you share or stories about things that happen when you were together. Revisiting these moments increases intimacy and bonding. Additionally, laughing with your partner increases both of your happiness and closeness.

6. Groom Each Other. I know this sounds very monkey-like. Monkeys groom each other to increase bonding in their tribe. It has the same benefit for humans. Brush each other’s hair, moisturize each other, learn to give your guy a shave or trim your girl’s lady bits. It is this gentle touching and time spent caring for each other that will increase your bonding.

7. Give mani/pedis. This goes for all genders. Everyone needs their feet cared for. Everyone has to clip their toenails and moisturize their feet. Many people find it a bit awkward to get into the right position to clip and file their toes. Simply doing this task for a partner is a great way to increase your connection.

People are more likely to take care of their own fingernails than their feet. However, doing your non-dominant hand can be awkward. Clipping and filing your partner’s nails can be a way of showing you care.

How To: 1) Get a tub big enough for at least one foot and fill it with water and a bit of Epsom salts for a soak. If you don’t have a tub take a hand towel and soak it with hot water (or water, then microwave for 1 minute). Wrap your partner’s feet in the hot towel and let sit for a few minutes. 2) Dry off a foot at a time. Clip the nails to a good length, then file them gently with an nail file. 3) Gently push the cuticles back, but do not cut the cuticles. 4) Use a pumice stone or a pedi-egg to rub off some of the callouses. Don’t take them totally off! Callouses are there for a reason. Taking too much off can hurt! 5) Get a good lotion or foot cream and gently massage it into the feet and lower legs for at least five minutes per side.

8) Start Couple’s Yoga. You don’t need to go to a class for this. You don’t need to do yoga daily to do this. Pretty much anyone can start couple’s yoga. There are a ton of sites, books, and apps which will provide you information on various positions. The thing is, you do it together.

Working out together in a cooperative manner increases bonding. Additionally, yoga will stretch you out, increase your energy, and generally make you feel better. Many of the couple’s yoga moves focus on helping each other improve their positions and increase the depth and effectiveness of the moves. You become a team working toward the same goal of both of you feeling great!

I practice yoga regularly. My partner does not. He is a runner and does weights and resistance work. Once a week we spend about half an hour doing yoga together. It helps us both keep focused on fitness goals and we are both able to deepen our stretching and strength building by practicing together. It’s Great!

9) Dance Together. “But I don’t dance!” Yeah, yeah. Sure. I know. I am not talking about busting out the Running Man in a club. Just take a minute when music is on at home and dance for a song or two. Nobody else has to see you. There is something incredibly romantic about dancing in your kitchen while you are making dinner, or during a song on your favorite talent competition show, or to a song while you are getting ready to go to a social function. It can be slow dancing, swing, or just flinging your arms and legs about and laughing together.